One Mom's Journey from "I Give Up" to a Surprise Pregnancy

Photo courtesy of Erin Scanlon.

Brooklyn mom Erin Scanlon's little boy is about to turn one, and sometimes that still seems unreal. A couple of years ago, Erin and her husband were convinced they'd never get to be parents. When she was 37, Erin—who is now 40 and a divisional CFO for a financial services company—tried to conceive naturally, then eventually took a friend's advice to start fertility treatments immediately. Multiple rounds later, nothing was working. When Erin finally did get pregnant, she suffered a miscarriage and found out she needed surgeries for cysts and endometriosis. Exhausted and frustrated after the failed treatments and multiple surgeries, Erin and her husband decided to just give up. And then... guess what happened. For more about Erin's inspiring story, check out our exclusive Crunch Time Parents Q&A:

Crunch Time Parents: Happy first birthday to your little guy! And congratulations on a wonderful outcome after a grueling process. At what point after trying to conceive naturally did you decide to try fertility treatments? We tried to get pregnant naturally for about six months, but given my age, a friend who was struggling to get pregnant recommended going to a fertility clinic right away so as to not waste more time.

What fertility treatments did you start with, and did you debate other options? No, we trusted our doctor and went with his recommendation. Every clinic is different, but our clinic recommended a round of IUI (Intrauterine insemination) so we just went with what they proposed.

What was the treatment process like for you from start to finish? I thought I would get sick from the side effects, but they ended up being pretty mild, as my doctor preferred Letrozole to Clomide (Letrozole has fewer side effects). It was disappointing when we weren’t pregnant after the first two treatments, and to add to that, I ended up developing a cyst that the doctor admitted may have been a side effect of the treatment.

I ended up having to have surgery to remove the identified cyst, and while I was undergoing surgery they discovered I had a smaller cyst on my other ovary which was also removed. It was also discovered that I had endometriosis, which the doctor did his best to remove. All in all, it was unfortunate to have to undergo surgery, but I believe it turned out for the best since endometriosis was discovered and treated. That may have resulted in me getting pregnant naturally, who knows!

Photo by Hush Naidoo for Unsplash.

What was the experience of going through the fertility treatments like for you, emotionally? It was tough, because we were so optimistic in the beginning. But after two treatments, surgery, and an unsuccessful final treatment it felt deflating. It felt like it took forever because you only had once chance per month, and given I had to be treated for cysts, it seemed even longer. 

How did you initially decide which fertility specialist to work with? Dr. Jamie (James) Grifo at NYU was recommended by a coworker who had been trying for three years. She ended up with him after going to several other clinics. At the time, he was the #2 clinic in the nation.

What was your experience with that doctor, and would you recommend him to others?  Dr. Grifo and the staff at NYU Fertility clinic were great! The health professionals were wonderful. They were professional, kind, and sympathetic.The one complaint was that the clinic did not take insurance and I had to bill my insurance for partial payment, which ended up being pretty expensive. However, we were willing to do "whatever it took."

Looking back on the experience, do you have any regrets? Any advice? I always feel strange giving advice, because it depends on your philosophy. I believe in a holistic approach at first, and if that doesn’t work I will explore "better living through medicine." The advice I give to my friends, or those who ask, is to freeze your eggs early as it saves a lot of heartache later. You can identify early if there are issues, or you can guarantee eggs when you are ready.

If a friend is older and decides not to use fertility treatments, I tell them to relax as much as possible; in fact, develop an "I give up attitude," because oddly enough that's what worked for us. I think it’s the stress levels that really impact the ability to conceive, but relaxing is easier said than done. Everyone told us to relax, but given by my age, I was worrying more and more as each month passed. When we decided to schedule IVF, that's when we got pregnant. I guess having a plan made me relax. Once again, it depends on how you react to the situation.

Photo by David Goehring via Wikimedia Commons.

What are the pros and cons, for you, of having a baby on the “later” side? I read somewhere that it is difficult to have a child later in life because you can get "set in your ways" with yourself and with your partner. You’ve grown accustomed to your life and all that it affords (e.g. money, independence, etc.). This was true for myself and husband. We realized we couldn’t be selfish with our time anymore. We also found our energy levels to be lower than when we were younger, which made it difficult to operate on very little sleep. On the flip side, we have the means and maturity to provide a lifestyle for our child that we would not have been able to do had we been younger. 

Would you consider having another baby? Yes.

Anything else you’d like to add, to give perspective to other women in the same boat? The first time I got pregnant after fertility treatments, we ended up miscarrying, which at the time was devastating. What I learned from the experience was that many women miscarry, but many of us don’t discuss it, almost like it's shameful. I found I liked to talk about it because it made me feel less alone. I also learned that many women miscarry before a successful pregnancy, so I would tell women not to lose hope and that it doesn’t necessarily mean something is wrong with you. It’s basically your body telling you something isn’t right. But good things can still come!